They are rugged, they are manly, they are beards. In honor of my recently acquired beard I'll be talking about some of the best beards in comics. I've consulted the best beardoligists and quantum beard scientists in the world and this is the list I've assembled. First up...
Spider-Man (pictured above)
You probably don't remember Spider-Man rocking the beard since it was erased from continuity due to One More Day. All cause fucking Quesada felt they could tell better stories with a clean shaven Peter Parker. "Spider-Beard just wasn't working, it was holding the writers back, forcing them to tell stories about Norman Osborn impregnating Gwen Stacey" - Joe Quesada. It wasn't the beard's fault Joey Q, it wasn't the beard's fault.
Thor
Never has Thor looked more badass then when he was slinging his hammer with a full beard. Thor grew his beard during the legendary Walt Simonson run, considered by many to be the greatest Thor run of all time. Coincidence? I think not.
Fun Fact: Did you know Thor's beard can press over 30 tons?
Hercules
While the question of whose stronger has been long debated Hercules does have beard bragging rights over the thunder god. While his beard is perhaps no more impressive his commitment to the beard is. While Thor is seldom seen unshaven Hercules has been representing the glory of the beard for the majority of the last 3000 years. Thumbs up to you, you magnificintly bearded bastard.
Batman
He grew that beard in month. A month! If there was ever any doubts that Batman was the manliest man in the DCU that beard should put them to rest.
Fun Fact: Batman's beard knows what your thinking and has already figured out 17 ways to beat the shit out of you. It's also bulletproof so don't even try it.
Iron Man
Even the master of the mustache couldn't resist the seductive sirens' call of the beard. Some of you might point out that Tony's gone back to the mustache of late. What you don't know is that he shaved because his beard was against the Superhero Registration Act.
Fun Fact: When Stark was imprisoned by communists/terrorists it was his growing stubble that suggested building armor to escape.
Green Arrow
Right now, as you read this, Green Arrow's beard is having sex with your significant other. Hey Ollie might be married but the beard ain't wearing a ring.
LIGHTING ROUND BEARD OFF CHALLENGE...OF THE GODS!!!
First off in this corner The Lord of Olympus, The Master of Lightning...ZEUS!
And in this corner The King of Asgard, The All Powerful All Father...ODIN!
A titanic clash of epic proportions, truly a battle for the ages. Zeus is coming beards a blazing with a full red mane cascading from his face. While Odin is proudly showing his age and wisdom with his long flowing white chin hair. This one might be too close to call but are judges have reached a verdict, the winner is...Odin! The Norse god of gods brings victory home across the rainbow bridge.
Fun Fact: Odin won because of his awesome helmet.
And now, the moment you've all been waiting for...the greatest beard in comics!
Terry Long
Now a lot of people give Terry Long crap just cause we was a creepy older dude who managed to score with Wonder Girl but that's precisely why his beard wins this honor. I mean what else does this guy have going for him? He's not a superhero, he's not rich, he's not particularly smart or athletic and yet he gets Wonder Girl!?! One of the most powerful people in the DCU who just happens to also be one of the hottest. (see below)
Dude is ten years older then her, is divorced, and has a daughter meanwhile she hangs out with guys like Superman and Nightwing on a regular basis. If Terry Long marrying Donna Troy doesn't prove the awesome might of the beard I don't know what does. I know he's dead now, even the power of the beard has limits, but if anyone can die happy it's Terry Long.
Other kick-ass beards that I've missed, comment below.
-egs
Fun Fact: I just figured out why Batman shaves, if he didn't he would never have time to fight crime what with all the ladies jumping his bones everywhere he went.
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